Here is a list of funny status quotes and funny status lines, that you can use.
- Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
- The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
- Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
- Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
- I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
- It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
- How To Be A Hero tip: When destroying the enemy be sure to kill all the criminals in reverse order of importance before confronting the kingpin himself.
- XXX went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book. When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
- Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", think of another song you like and hum that instead.
- What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.
- My wife said I'm too immature and if I don't grow up it's going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
- Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
- Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.
- XXX got her test results back this morning and is shocked to find that she's been diagnosed with OCD. She's rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct.
Here are some more funny status quotes:
- I dieted for a month and all I lost was 30 days.
- The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
- I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- It is not sufficient to be a success, it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.
- I wasn't sleeping. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
- It's so quiet that I can actually hear myself think. No good can come of this.
- I'd be in great shape if I ran like my mouth.
- In other news, sources close to the sun say, "OW! IT'S HOT! IT'S HOT!!!"